They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
