before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
