I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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