I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have post one night stand depression
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