you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
