I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
