Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
