your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
