she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im six kinds of drunk right now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
