The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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