Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
