Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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