shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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