I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
