so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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