exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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