That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
