I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
