i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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