I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
