Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
