My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
