i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
