i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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