I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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