she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
