Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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