I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
