Don't make out with my wife yet
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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