omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
