Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
