So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
