Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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