Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
