You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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