you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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