This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
