Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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