I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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