you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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