i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
