gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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