And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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