i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
