Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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