Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
