also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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