I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sober January is a disaster.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
