i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
