2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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