I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
