I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
