I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
