I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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