I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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