OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
