I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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