I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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