Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
