I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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