I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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