come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
