god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
