dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
