Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
