Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize