My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
high people should be assigned attendants
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
